Life of the Beloved Review

"This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”

“This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.”

(Matthew 3:17)

I particularly find Life of the Beloved beautiful because over the years this has become probably my most valued quality and an area I continue to prioritize in my growth—taking an interest in every person and intentionally giving people your attention for who they are, not for their outward appearance, not for how similar they feel to you, or for what they can give you and add to your life. To do this is to see the belovedness of each person, to see as Jesus sees, because every person is beloved in His eyes and made in His image.

The key to living as sons and daughters of God is to live from the place of our belovedness. Recently I came across a post reflecting on the one thing that God says to us before we enter the wilderness: I love you. Right before Jesus goes into the wilderness the Father says: "This is my Beloved Son." Nouwen emphasizes that in this world we are conditioned to prove our worth. When I met with my principal after my sick leave, he told me very straightforwardly that he was not inviting me back next year because once you become more of a burden than an asset, it is time for you to go. Hearing him say this didn't actually hurt my feelings because it makes complete sense. In other contexts too we learn that often the condition of love is what we can bring to the table. One of my friendships is so precious to me because it has genuinely stood the test of everything that could have possibly severed it. In Fall of 2023 I developed what became a chronic throat strain and only made it through student teaching by a miracle of the Lord. Several times I thought I would not make it and genuinely didn't know how I was going to teach the next day. I would come home from school literally not being able to socialize or call my parents, and often I would have to use notes to talk with friends when we were together. In that season I was not the funnest person to hang out with, and that season did eventually break a friendship with one of my closest college friends. There was a lot of pain from what I felt like was betrayal, because friends that I thought would be there for me when it got hard were not there. Friends who I counted on to spend time with only wanted to spend time with me when I was able to "give them something" such as lively or deep conversation. But somehow during that time, despite my physical limitations, my friend Christina and I still had a blast together. How she loved me was a good example of enjoying someone not only for what they can give you but for them as them. Finally, the idea of having to be an asset to be loved can also be seen in church settings, where we feel like we have to serve in all these ways and do xyz for others in order to be noticed and appreciated. I think the right place of belonging for all of us is a place where we can sit at the table, quite literally do nothing sometimes, and take an interest in others and be taken an interest in. But more than seeking such a place, we need to live from the place of what we already are—beloved of God. I love the simplicity with which Nouwen says, “That’s the truth of our lives” (36). He captures the striving and restlessness of our hearts: “Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence…I never claimed it as my core truth. I kept running around it in large or small circles, always looking for someone or something able to convince me of my Belovedness. It was as if I kept refusing to hear the voice that speaks from the very depth of my being and says: 'You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests'" (33-34). This is cliche but more true than ever—we will never be at rest if our highest goal is to find belonging in people or spaces rather than in God.

Nouwen structures the book around four key words: “taken,” “blessed,” “broken,” and “given.” “Taken” is a synonym for “chosen.” He differentiates between the concept of being chosen in this world and being chosen by God. In this world, someone being chosen means others are rejected. In God, however, being chosen includes instead of excludes others. And it is only when we live anchored to our identity as beloved and chosen by God that we are motivated to remind everyone else of their chosenness and belovedness. When we stray from our belovedness by God we instead fall into the trap of jealousy and selfish ambition, and we are not able to bless others. This ties into the fourth word “given,” where Nouwen argues that we are conditioned to think that happiness comes from getting instead of from giving. But Nouwen has a refreshing take on the concept of giving: “Our real gift is not so much what we can do, but who we are…’Who can we be for each other?’” (113). Nouwen became especially convinced of this through his experience living with the mentally handicapped, who bless others with who they are even if they cannot bring talents, contributions to society, and service in the usual ways we conceive of talents, contributions, and service in our workplace, churches, etc. To Nouwen, blessing others with who we are can look like using our unique traits and gifts like the gift of faithful friendship, the gift of welcoming people, and the gift of bringing peace. And I think even a step further, appreciating each other’s belovedness goes beyond this into seeing each other’s preciousness and worthiness even if this person is not in a place where they can bless you with welcome, peace, or encouragement.

The chapter on “blessed” really touched me. Nouwen brought to life the power of a genuine blessing through examples of those in his community who asked him for a blessing. When he went to give them the rote blessing, one woman exclaimed, “No, that doesn’t work. I want a real blessing!” (70). Nouwen proceeded to give her a genuine blessing, including the affirmation that “I want you to remember who you are: a very special person, deeply loved by God and all the people who are here with you.” The blessing with which he blessed another young man touched me too—“You are God’s Beloved Son…When things are hard and life is burdensome, always remember that you are loved with an everlasting love” (72). Nouwen goes on to remind us that we should remind ourselves of God’s blessing to us through prayer, by meditating on His word. I know the feeling where I just want someone to tell me as I navigate my crazy life that they are so proud of me. And I am encouraged to remind myself that this is the voice of God towards me. I am beloved and blessed by Him.

Finally, the chapter on “broken” reminded me of what I am still working and praying towards—"The great spiritual call of the Beloved Children of God is to pull their brokenness away from the shadow of the curse and put it under the light of the blessing” (97).  The following quote by Jacques Maritain is an interesting one—“You may ask yourself whether joy and suffering aren’t aspects of the same phenomenon on a very high level. An analogy, crazy for sure, comes to my mind: Extreme cold burns. It seems nearly certain, no, it is certain, that we can only go to God through suffering and that this suffering becomes joy because it finally is the same thing” (136). I’m not sure I quite agree with this quote, but it strikes me that Maritain is able to make such a statement. I have been reflecting on the confusing and fearful nature of some of the pain we go through, where simply remembering puts us in such second-hand fear. The answer that I had received from the Lord in prayer as I wrestled with this is the comfort of being restored in His love after the pain. No matter how painful something is, God will overcome it for me and I will be restored into His love, just like Jesus was restored into the Father’s love after the cross.